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Breakups are hurtful and can leave deep emotional scars if they are not dealt with properly. Ignoring the pain you have will only make it worse. So, let’s have this discussion together and understand what we can do when just ended up a relationship and how we prepare into finding the next one that will hopefully forever last.

Understand the real reason and don’t make it worse.

The truth is hard to handle. The most common instinct learned from society today is to blame others (or to blame ourselves too much) about our love life. The problem with blaming others is that we can’t emotionally progress, to become better lovers and therefore have a successful marriage. Over blaming ourselves makes us believe we have no qualities what-so-ever and that is even worse because we just get into our head the idea that we are unlovable or we don’t deserve real love, and we don’t even try anymore. We build walls around us and will make us be alone forever.

Most of the times people breakup because of incompatibility. That means, more simply said, you were not meant to be. I will quote Mother Teresa and say that some people come in our lives as a blessing, and some as a lesson. Maybe when you met, you both had some emotional issues or scars from the past, and you found a compatibility in that. This happens a lot to those that don’t have a loving childhood. It happened to me also. The thing is: once you get fixed and get over that emotional scar, you simply find out you have nothing else in common.

A truly loving and forever lasting relationship must have two partners with the same love goal! 

That means, more simply said, compatible partners. Me and my soulmate we both must want the same kind of relationship. It won’t work if I am overly romantic and she is not into romantic things at all. It won’t work if I want a lot of kids and she doesn’t. You feel me? We BOTH must want the same things from our love life and life in general.

Another important point I want to state is: not everybody you love is meant to be your future husband / wife . This might sound strange but bear with me. We meet a lot of people in our lifetime, and some of them we get to deeply cherish. Some as friends and some as lovers. But the truth is, sometimes you just love a person with a human compassion and that’s it. Even if it’s big love, it’s just pure compassion and nothing else. This is that love God gave us: the love of life, humans, everything around us. For example, I am now at a point in my life that I feel love for every human being. It’s just that level of deep compassion you share even with a stranger. Not physical love, mentally, nothing strange at all. Just pure love for life in all its form.  So, at beginning, when we are emotionally immature, we can mistake compassion for true love.

Another possibility is that one of the partners did something that hurt the other one. When things get too hurtful it’s entirely the decision of the one hurt if he / she want to continue anymore. You can try to fix it up if you messed it up, but at some point, you would have to accept and respect your partner’s decision. If you are the one hurt and just want to get over it and that’s how you feel, you just follow your heart.

Either way, everybody should remember that you can’t have a forever lasting relationship without both giving: love, respect, commitment, honesty and attention.

Find possible lessons to learn and make your heart more loving.

This is the part where we progress. We can always learn to love more. Even if we are the ones hurt and we simply say: “I love you, I forgive you but I have to accept that we don’t match”, that’s going to make our hearts filled with even more love. Also, things that you might have done wrong during a relationship, things that you would like to change about yourself  and anything else that you feel the need to improve the way you show love or treat your partner. It’s always room for becoming more loving, romantic and compassionate.

Think about this way: don’t look for the perfect lover, become the perfect lover. Focus on yourself, on what you can change, what you can give, how much unconditional love you can give. And you will attract the right person. Become the type of person you would like your son / daughter also meet in the future.

Set clear goals about your perfect relationship and partner. Don’t settle for anything less.

You have to set goals right, precise and powerful. Exactly what you want and nothing less.

What do you want from your lover? How do you want him / her to be? How do you want to be treated, what do you want to achieve in your marriage and family?  Write it down. Everything.

What kind of person do you need to become to attract and deserve what you want? Write it down. Everything.

Once you have it clearly on paper what do you want, demand yourself that you will get THAT and nothing less. You will not settle anymore for anything else but exactly what do you want from your love life!

If you follow these steps and you don’t let go of your dreams and goals, you will eventually find your soul mate. And trust me, the person you are meant to spend your whole life deserve to be waited an entire life! But God will make you meet him / her at the right time. Keep love in your heart meanwhile to keep it warm and welcoming. Have a loving life!